Seagulls aww they’re like totaly cute, white fluffy birds that hang about on the beach… eeeeerrrrrr wrong!
Those muthafuckas are cereal killers at best! I was watching passion of the Je-Sus on easter Monday, didnt realize it was easter Monday at the time as I am unemployed and chose not to leave the house, I mean the living room, er I mean the couch and in it when they were pinging those homies to their cross paraphanelia one dude cussed Je-Sus and the next thing a black crow came along and snatched that bitches eye ball out!!
What I’m gettin at is that whoever casted that crow did the Croatian man dem a disservice because seagulls should have replaced that tiny black bird… now not trying to be xenophobic or nuttin but i officially want to buy an air rifle and go real-life-sea-gull-shooting ala pebble land! Why? You may wonder as your eyes and mind begin to bore of this triumphant gibberish. I’ll fucking tell you – sit back, relax and strap on your seat belt….
I’d ventured into town for an afternoon stroll which involves seeing the weekends damage to my bank balance first hand then, topping up the blower, followed by frantic calls to link some little bo-peeps in tizzzooowwn… nuthing is shaking so i say allow it and head back to the shire.
At this point I’m thinking of chicken, sage leafs, some next level meat, spinach and ting ting that i didn’t get invited too (it’s all love me fellow gurners) so i 2-step to the local fish and chip mongers run by my homie Asian Eddie (thats not his real name but I’m holdin it down due to copy-write infringement)…
Asian Eddie: What up daddio?Crack: Nutinz gwanning Little E? But I’ll tell u what it’s colder than a muthafucker out there u feel me?
Asian Eddie: Yeah i feel u homie, what even worse is miss E ain’t lettin me lay her pipes!
Asian Eddie: Nuthin ma, wa u wan?
Crack: Alright little homie hook me up with those hand, sliced potatoes, dipped in the finest deep fat frier, to come out a tanned shade of golden boi – and a 747? (that means jumbo sausage in my brain!)
Asian E: Alright boi, wu-tang clan aint nufin to fuck wit! That will be £2.50.
So i pays my little ninja and bounce like a space hopper down this side street home… peepin this girl who live across the street with a very tender bum bum I walk at a safe distance as not to seem like that strange guy from across the street who is always door watchin!….
Anyway I see this stencil of like a royal feathered hat thing and want to catch some snaps so I put my opened chipitas and sauagisimo on the ledge bring out my camera and just as my index finger goes to flic…. some albatross of a seagull sneaks down from yonder and takes the one thing Im looking forward to – my 747!! I’m miffed at this point so I abort mission stencil flick and chase this boquemoth bird down the street ensuring it drops half my 747 to the dirty stank pavement!! Still miffed and brain damn near hemeraging!! I pick up whats left of my half devoured plane wrack and chuck it at the seagull.
Whats worse is the little fascist caught it in it’s mouth, said thank you and flipped me the bird!!! I say we exterminate those bitches!!! Crack-one over and out!!!!