Dear Loukia,

Can you find me a hot boyo that isnt a nobhead, or scared/intimidated by me? Is mega hot. maybe a bodybuilder or beefcake. Has ambition.

Also. What’s your best advice for coping with period pains?


Sheila x


(Sheila, 23 from Bolton)

Dear Sheila,

Sometimes it’s not fun being a woman is it? Especially when we get our periods. We get spots on our face, homicidal tendancies, we’re forced to have a cotton bullet lodged in our fairy all day, and don’t even talk to me about sexy time – everyone likes Skittles, but you have to find a man that really loves you to taste the rainbow…if ya catch my flow. And on top of all this, it just hurts. Unfortunately there’s no quick fix for pausing period painz, but I remember when my cherry juice made its first appearance, my mum slapped me really hard, right across the jaw. It was so painful I forgot all about the war wound in my special place. If you can find someone to slap you all day long, then you’ve found a friend for life. Failing that, I’d advise more traditional methods: an excess of paracetalol, a long hot bath and a tummy rub. Also drink lots of cups of tea because it has magical healing powers, and just because tea is so nice.

As for helping you find a boyo that isn’t a nobhead and isn’t scared or intimidated by you, that might be a bit tricky considering the calibre of woman you are. Why are you looking for an Adonis? Mega hot boyz are usually lacking a lightbulb or two and use their handsome looks to compensate for having only half a brain cell. This also eradicates any chance of them being ambitious too. A beefcake or body builder might be better for you as they will usually have lots of ambition, to become a real life human terminator – plus they can lift you up with one hand and that’s always fun. For this I’d try going to watch live cage-fighting regularly and hanging around in chippendale clubs, dressed as a dumbbell – they will surely try and pick you up then…literally.

My overall advice to you however is stop looking for Mr. Perfect and look for Mr. Yes. Mr Yes might not be mega sexy or ridiculously strong and he might only work in Toys ‘R’ Us, but he will appreciate what a super hot babe you are, and say yes to everything you ask him to do and also buy you barbies with his staff discount. And if that wasn’t enough, you can bet your bottom dollar that he feels no way about getting involved with your rainbow, and that my dear is all that really matters.


Aunty Loukia