Last week I went on my third date to chicken shop. Some of you reading this might be thinking that I’m quite desperate for repeatedly asking musicians on dates to chicken shops; however I think you are confusing desperation with confidence.
Hi what’s your name?
Hi, I go by The Last Skeptik. That is my name.
What do you do?
I’m a DJ, a producer and host a party called Livin’ Proof.
I sometimes rap.
Oh of course you do.
Yeah, I have a verse on a record I produced with an artist called Rewd Adams off our album ‘How Not to Make a Living’.
Do you not make a good living?
Well I don’t think music is a very good living for anyone, I mean it’s fun, and you get free drinks. I don’t make enough money to pay for things like…um… an extension on my cardboard house.
I didn’t really know where this was going so I just went along with it.
Oh you live in a cardboard house?
Yeah well I’m trying to upgrade to plywood but we’ll have to see how that goes.
Moving on, are there any tracks of your EP that are romantic?
Well, the lead single ‘Everything’s okay’ is a pretty romantic song – Rewd Adams is rapping about all kinds of nice and happy stuff. I think you would like it; I made it just for you actually.
Oh that’s nice. Have you ever been on a date to a chicken shop before?
Yes, actually no I’m just joking I haven’t.
I was actually a bit nervous about this.
Has this date lived up to your expectations so far?
So far? Yes it has. Except I was expecting a candle, candles get me in the mood.
On a scale of one to ten how excited were you for this date?
1 and a half.
This rating made me feel quite sad; however I knew he was obviously playing hard to get so continued.
Where was the last date you went on?
Interesting. Do you like chicken?
No I’m a vegetarian.
This was bad, now not only had I forced someone to on a date with me…to a chicken shop, but they had now confessed to being vegetarian and so probably finding this whole experience incredibly scarring.
Do you find this date to a chicken shop awkward as a vegetarian?
No, because it’s not about the place – it’s about the love.
Right……What is your best chat up line?
Um, I don’t use chat up lines, I don’t think I ever have, I’m far too cool for that. All I do is smile.
I then decided it was the perfect time to deliver one of my many chat up lines.
How much does a polar bear weigh?
I don’t know, how much does a polar bear weigh?
Enough to break the ice- Hi I’m Amelia *smiles*. The Last Skeptik just looked at me, without saying a word.
Anyway, back to the chicken. If your music was a part of a chicken, what part would it be?
Probably the ass.
Will you take me on another chicken shop date?
Yeah, I’ll take you on any kind of date you want. I won’t say I’ll pay, I might not even turn up.
The album ‘How Not To Make a Living’ comes out on July 2nd http://www.rewdandskeptik.com/.
You can also catch The Last Skeptik at Livin’ Proof http://www.livinproof.co.uk/